Friday, April 18, 2014

My World The Last 6months

Hello all my wonderful peps... I'm here today to finally take the much needed time I need down. This is an entry to let you in on my world the last 6months of time. There seem to be people out there that really have no idea about the world now a days, they don't think past the computer screen and think that no one has anything in their real lives that should be coming before their online time. This is certainly not the case for a *LOT* of people and I am certainly no exception the last half of year.

Today was the first day I got to REALLY release myself and settle a bit. I had a good hard cry because it was just needed (sometimes it's needed for everyone, male or female) and because I have had such a rotten streak of luck the last few months. I finally had a 'good' break yesterday in all of the shit that I have been dealing with the last few months that made today the right day to relax and release. After that I feel like the world has been lifted from my shoulders and things I hope will look up from here on out. I'm so trying.

So what has been happening... let me take you back to start 6months ago until this month.
1) I lost my real life job. I wasn't fired, I didn't quite... the store I worked for... damn not worked... LIVED for day in and out for 2yrs of my life, went under. My last day of work without any notice to it at all was September 25th, 2013. This was the start of the worse 6months.

2) I gained almost 20kilo (45pounds roughly). I did *NOT* want this to happen but when you go from moving, bending, eating less, and all that for 8-10yrs a day, you don't gain weight. I was losing. My lowest weight was 143kilo or 315pounds. I was *SO* close to being under 300 pounds for the first time in 20yrs. Now I start over and from an even higher weight. My highest since living here, 167kilo until these last few months where I passed that by 5-6kilo and now sit at 173. This put me into quite a bit of depression and to be honest PAIN.

3) Camera Man and I have not had the best of times either. Fighting, spatting and the like more then being close. It doesn't make a lot of 'fun' times sexually or not. On camera or not either. This was made worse by the next event.

4) Fast forward until beginning of March when I told Camera Man that we had too much debt. We calculated it up and indeed decided it was best that we consolidate. We took out a 45k debt consolidation loan. We paid everything we owed and now for the next 7yrs we have a 530euro monthly loan payment to worry about. It's better then paying off credit cards just to live on the credit cards and in the end was a VERY big weight off my shoulders as I bared most of it for a while but for Camera Man it hit home too hard and too much, our fighting became more and even he almost went on stress medication.

5) Loan in place... LOTS of things to take care of and now we can survive, perhaps after this first month of actual living without loan but on Camera Man's wage, we will better be able to handle our living expenses and perhaps even put a tiny bit away here and there. But not without it's damage first. For instance the 2 external (not bank related) credit cards being assholes and not closing off our accounts, before the electric company wanted to put in something called a budget meter instead of the normal meter which means one has to go and charge a card to put in the machine to have electric but then fucking with us by telling me that things would not go farther if I paid a missed past due bill in full but then still ended up with papers that I 'refused' to have a budget meter placed when I didn't but instead PAID the amount in full to prevent it. Those are just 2 cases of things being a MAJOR problem with the paying back debt stuff. There are a bunch of minor things as well.

6) Include my parents (who live in Belgium with me since they retired) are not getting any younger and bring problems of their own. Mainly they are both not mentally here 100% any more. My father is most seen but my mother is having her own issues too although I'm not quite sure if that is the way she's been for a long time or if it is indeed her getting older now. This caused other problems like the fact that my father sometime last year put in wrong numbers for the water company, didn't take note that he paid only *1* bill of around 50euro the entire year of time until the beginning of this year when they again ask for numbers and found that the amount was WAY off by 100's of cubic meters. That ended up with a bill of 900euro. On that, (this all happens around the same some of year btw... around the time you set things up for an apartment/house in the way of living) there seems to of been an open end of year bill for the electric company too from last year so when the new bill for this year came, there was a calculation of another 800+euro owed. Why? because of my father being forgetful even though he is trying to make things organized at least in his mind when it makes no sense or is too much for anyone else to make sense of. Even just as of April 15th, 2014, he some how ended up with some health insurance stickers of mine and put in his health papers to be refunded that ended up under my name *shrug* not sure how that happened in the first place but he should have double checked the name on it but on the other hand so should have the health insurance place! So another 1700euro in unexpected/unplanned bills. Those however, I will keep an eye on with them but it will not be something Camera Man and I are going to help pay for. My father is responsible now for 2 payments set up by me for payments to the 2 companies. We just can't handle the costs now.

7) Our little sister kitty started having seizures or at least she started having them when we could SEE them happening. There were signs here and there like a wee puddle on the floor or drool puddles. We thought perhaps they were rebelling from me not being around or something but when we caught the first one by her, we realized it was her having a fit because if she hadn't been to the box recently, she'll lose whatever she had. It was horrible to watch. Fast forward a bit through a couple of vet visits, narcotic medication that makes me not know my little kitty as I knew her any more, more seizures to a MASSIVE seizure that wasn't just her spinning in a circle but her flopping around in the middle of the hallway for almost a straight minute. I rushed her to the vet at 11pm at night because after that attack she could hardly breath. They took blood and found that perhaps her problems are at least partly caused by being diabetic. This was in some ways good news but in the same more money that had/has to be spent.

8) We're not too far off the present time here now. I took kitty back to find out the news above only to put out another 100euro in the visit including a bag of dry kibble and 2 boxes of wet food specially for a diabetic kitty. We're trying this out by diet first. She had 20points above the max that she should have for a blood sugar test but that blood draw was RIGHT after her massive fit so god only knows how high it was before this fit happened, it could have easily been 70points higher then that. Even when a human with this problem goes out for a walk or any other form of exercise, their blood sugar drops. When one has a fit, they expend SO much energy while it happens that they are drained for days after.... same with the kitty.

9) The newest of desktop computers finally started to give... the one I needed for web work, video editing, photo editing and keeping up my site. Had no choice to revert from a 3g+ quad processor desktop to a 1.3g single processor laptop. It couldn't keep up, it wouldn't edit HD videos right and in the end just couldn't do what I needed. Ended up snagging parts we could from the old system which included the graphics card (just bought that a bit before this all happened), the ram/memory, the hard drive and the CD/DVD writer/reader. Bought a new case, new mother board, new CPU and an internal card reader. Went to a trusted computer only store and had them custom build a new machine. We had hopes that they could run a key finder on the old hard drive for my copy of Win7 because I didn't have my code any more (was on the case previously when I changed over to make room for the graphics card) and ended up having to pay another 130 euro (an extra 3rd of the total cost actually) to buy a new copy of Win7. I have that system now as of Tuesday (posted about it earlier) and I do love it but in the same it was another 400euro that went out the window that was not exactly wanted to be spent.

10) A bit forward.... the past, a lost job that I lived and breathed for over 2yrs... massive money issues, weight gain, depression, marriage problems (yes we're still together even after all of this!), problems with something(one) you love dearly, problems with aging parents who you also love to death but finding it harder to keep up with, having to find a new home for my website stuff (thank god I have found a good place for it now) and all the smaller shit that I haven't said.

We come on today... today being my breaking day in a good way.... why? Because yesterday after having a large talk the day before with my folks about needing to tell me about things that are going on, papers they don't understand because of the language or telling me things at times I can DO things about if there is a problem, I get a call from a friend and co-employee that I worked with that she got the news that she had a place with the new owners of the store. I was happy for her but in the same way, I was saddened that she got place and so far I had no news if I did or not. Then no sooner then I started to get saddened by it, I get an email notification on my tablet (which I was on atm) from the new owner telling me I had a position! I was ALL OVER THE PLACE! I went wild, hyper, happy and so overly excited I thought I might become an over excited puppy that wees all over the place :P

So you see my fellow readers, followers, lovers, fans and the rest, life is not easy. I hope with the news yesterday that I indeed get to work again for a place I loved so much that things will become a bit easier again specially in the money department. Please remember, my sites don't make an 'income', they have never turned a profit ever in the close to decade of time I have been doing this. All I do is put it back into the site in some form. The money that has come in through my clips4sale and my website itself since I started running again has gone into my computer alone.

I hope some of you take this posting to heart. Life is not sweets, good eating, laying around and taking pretty pictures... it's hard work even when you don't have work at all in the real life. I hope, so hope, things will change for the better. The good weather is here for us, warmer days, lots of sun and a clearer hope for the future with me having a job back. Perhaps Camera Man and I will even get a chance to get away this summer still for a break from everything. That sure would be nice.

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